Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
