when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
FUCK WHALES
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
