we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
