The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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