So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
