He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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