i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
