everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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