Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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