I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
