Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
