I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
