That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
