just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
FUCK WHALES
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
