Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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