How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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