for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
