I wish my penis had an off switch
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
