i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
