I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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