I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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