you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My hand turned me down
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
