I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
