He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
