Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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