Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
