my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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