whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
