jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
