Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think I just sharted jello shots
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
