I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
