He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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