The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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