who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
