yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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