I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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