Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he was CRYING into my vagina
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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