Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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