i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
