I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
