but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
