when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can I color on your dick again?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
