k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
