Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
