i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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