If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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