My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
