I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
