Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
