Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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