Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
