I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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