omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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