Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
