Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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