I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
