omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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