I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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