We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
