No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
