One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
