my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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