Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
