Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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