Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
